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About Me

My name is Sean Connelly, and I've gone by the pseudo-name Peebrain while on This blog was a running stream of my thoughts, beliefs, and experiences about PsiPog and psychic abilities in general.

Previous Posts


Sunday, August 20, 2006

You might want to read my previous post before you read this one. At least read the very end.

Why did I create PsiPog? A month ago, I would have probably answered that I created PsiPog to grow and learn about psionics, and share with others what we've learned. Teach, help, and continue to grow on everyone's collective discoveries. This is partially true, but it's also partially a lie.

PsiPog makes more sense once you realize why I really created it. Please don't think that I purposely lied to everyone over the years - I wasn't aware of the full reason why I created PsiPog until recently. In fact, just in the past day have I really grasped what was going through my head.

The reason I created PsiPog was to prove psionics to myself. I was a very hardcore skeptic, and even though I intuitively knew psionics was real, I demanded a lot of proof. An unreasonable amount of proof. This was good, and a lot of people identified with my goal. They wanted hardcore proof of psionics as well, and were sick of all the new age people who believed without this strict proof. So we all united with this common goal of proving psionics to ourselves.

So, we got to work. We practiced, but also felt threatened by the practice at the same time. We wanted proof, but also feared it... this balance between the two was hard to maintain. I guess what we really feared was being proven wrong. We all intuitively know that psionics is real, and we know that the world is a mysterious place. But we can't help but be skeptical, and even cynical at times. We live in a society where reality is perceived as a huge machine. In our hearts we knew that this wasn't completely true... but intellectually, we couldn't find another way to express it.

So psionics was adopted. The PsiPog version of psionics was designed for proof. That's why we only focused on newbie exercises. We unconsciously knew that that's where we needed to focus. That's where we would find our proof. Talking about "advanced" stuff was a waste of time... we were looking for proof, not actual skill.

But this fear of being proven wrong also lingered over us. We wanted to believe that the world was magical, and we were sick of this mechanical outlook on life. But we also feared that the mechanical outlook on life was correct.

Practice was constructed in such a way that we would easily sabotage our own efforts. After all... what happens if we honestly practiced our hardest, and didn't get the proof we were looking for? Then we were forced to conclude that psionics wasn't real, and therefore the cynical cold mechanical world must be true. So we made backdoors. We constructed a practice in such a way that if we failed, we could make an excuse, so that we could still believe in this mysterious world.

But these backdoors also hurt us. These excuses built underlying resentment, and deep down we knew something was wrong. Things didn't work... but we didn't know why. But we knew the mechanical world couldn't be true either, so we floated around, unsure of what to do.

Think about it. Why do we keep psionics a secret? Why do we feel the need to shut up and not tell others about it? Because when we say it, we feel like fools. It's not because people think we're crazy... it's because we fear that they're right. We fear that the mechanical world is correct. And we fear that if we become outspoken about psionics, then the mechnical world will bitch-slap us back to the cold reality.

I knew unconsciously that once I found undeniable proof, that I would be forced to deal with the fact that the world was mysterious. Which is also scary. I knew unconsciously that once I found this proof, that PsiPog would have to be deconstructed. So this caused a lot of tension... I wanted proof, so that I could put the mechanical world behind me. But it also scared me that the world was so unknown. And it also scared me to think (unconsciously) that I would have to get rid of all my hard work (PsiPog) once I found this proof. So this caused a lot of conflicting actions and fear.

What changed it for me? The entire geiger counter experience. You can look back in this blog and see the change in me. Before the geiger counter, I was focused on this vision of the "perfect" PsiPog. Focused on programming, and doing tedious work. That was my excuse. Why wasn't PsiPog living up to the purpose I consciously believed it had (learning, teaching, sharing)? Because I had to finish this system! I had to make it better! Then it would work!

But what was really going on? I was just waiting for proof. There is always a way to make something better, and there are an unlimited number of ideas. To put all this emphasis on the programming was my way of excusing myself. There were no new articles, because there was nothing more I could write about that would bring about proof. We had everything we needed, but the proof wasn't coming. More articles wouldn't solve that.

Then the geiger counter proved it to me. That proved it, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the world is a mysterious place. That psionics is real, and psychic abilities are real. Without any doubt. Now I know others are skeptical of the experiment - that's fine. The important thing was that I proved it to myself - I lived up to my own strict hardcore standards.

After that, my entire belief system started to disassemble. I had my proof, and everything that was constructed to produce this proof started to return to equalibrium. Look at my posts after the geiger counter experiment. They are not my "normal" type of posts. Shit was going on in my head.

I "channelled" my subconscious. I put forth evidence that dreams are more real that people give them credit. I created a way for articles to be published on (there hadn't been new articles in months/years). I got a psychic reading. I decentralized the psipog server (before the update, was the "main server". Now is the "main server", and is a child off of it). I emphasized correct meditation habits. I read a fiction New Age book, The Celestine Prophecy (the last fiction book I read before that was 5 years ago). I posted about how skepticism is unhealthy (even though skepticism is a fundamental belief on psipog). I posted realizations I've made over the years. And then finally, I posted on my purpose.

All of these posts were a result of my beliefs disassembling. I acquired my proof that psionics is real. PsiPog has fulfilled it's purpose.

So now I'm left with: psionics is real. Now what? Now I need to use this knowledge towards a bigger goal. Bigger than just teaching kids to feel energy balls between their hands, or spinning paper using PK. The only reason those goals were adopted in the first place was because they were methods of finding proof. But now that we have proof... what is the bigger picture? Do we really want to sit around and spin paper?

What is the implication of this proof? Back to our original fear: the implication is that the cold mechanical world is false... or more accurately stated, the cold mechanical world isn't the complete truth. The world is a mystical place, not this impersonal robitic world that society holds on to. We can stop being cynical.

Our intuition was correct. The world is not figured out - not by a long shot. We're not at the end of civilization - we're at the beginning. We're reaching the point where this awareness of a non-physical world is starting to become conscious in society. We're reaching the point where people are getting sick of this cynical cold world, and are asking for more. That's why we've become interested in psionics, and this is where society is headed.

But society doesn't give two shits about psi balls. Sorry to break it to you. Society doesn't give two shits about spinning a piece of paper on a tack. We've used these tools up until this point to push ourselves over the edge. But now that we are over that edge, we can return to our larger goal.

Our larger goal is the awareness that there is a non-physical reality. That we are more than our physical bodies. That the world isn't a cruel experience, followed by a painful death. There is more.

That is why my new purpose is focused on OBEs and spirituallity. I believe OBEs are my way of moving between the physical and non-physical. I don't think OBEs are the only way, but it's the way I am wired for. The way I have been preparing for since I was a little kid - even before I believed in psionics.

Does this mean the ideals of PsiPog are thrown out the window? In a way, yes. In another way, no. Don't get me wrong - healthy skepticism and forcing people to explain things without relying on religion is very good. It's very healthy. But it's not the end. We must eventually face the fear that skepticism is hiding us from, and face the truth that the world is a spiritual place.

Both skepticism and absence of spirituallity exist because of this fear that the world is mechanical. Once you overcome that fear, then skepticism dissolves, and spirituallity becomes your focus.

So yes - skepticism and absence of spirituallity are healthy in some ways. They are healthy because it's a more positive manifestation of the fear. It's taking our fear, and creating a system to attack it. For example, a more negative manifestation of the fear would be a belief that human life is worthless because we all die anyways. This belief is another way for the fear of the mechanical world to manifest, but it is obviously very negaitve. However, skepticism and absense of spirituallity are more positive manifestations of that same fear. It's the manifestation right before we overcome it.

But we must eventually leave this behind. We must identify the fear that causes skepticism and absense of spirituallity, and see for ourselves that the world is really a mystical place. Once we understand that, then skepticism seems anti-logical, and spirituallity seems obvious.

That is the shift that society will be going through. We will move, as a society, through this transformation. From an unconscious fear of the mechanical world, to a conscious realization that the world is a spiritual place.

And my purpose is to help make this transformation happen.

The method by which I plan to help is using OBEs and the dream state.

This is my purpose. I hope this has cleared up a lot of things for people. If not, and you think I've gone off the deep end, then that's ok too :-P. Just keep doing what makes sense to you.


Sunday, August 20, 2006, 11:38 PM — 27 comments

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I've been doing a lot of digging lately, emotionally. "Spiritually", I guess you could say. Looking at my history, looking at my purpose in life, and the big picture. Looking at why I work on PsiPog, and what my goals are. Looking at what makes me happy, and what makes me excited. Why I'm here on this earth. What I believe. And what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

At first, when I was a teenager, I believed it was my job to bridge the gap between science and spirituallity. Psionics and psychic abilities have been dominated by religious thinking, and it was the first thing that really blew my mind. So I figured that's where I'd go. I enjoy psychic abilities, and I like the challenge they provide.

But lately, PsiPog and psionics hasn't been very fulfilling to me. It's really bothered me. PsiPog was my vision when I was 16 years old... a vision of an open community of people intelligently learning psionics, in a fun way. The science of psionics is pretty boring... and the spirituallity of it is really fluffy and annoying. So I really like this approach of being open-minded and scientific, and FUN, towards psionics.

It worked out great, and I love the growth I've witnessed with PsiPog. I'm glad that I've mostly fulfilled my vision of what I wanted to do these past years. But at the same time, I do not feel that great about the entire experience. And the direction that PsiPog is headed doesn't make me feel very motivated either.

Psionics is great. When I started, I was mostly looking to "prove" it. Well, the good news is that I have proven it - to myself at least. I now know that psionics is real, without any real doubt. So where do I go next? Teach psionics, I suppose? But even then... I've only trained myself to the point of being capable of proving it to myself. My goals were never really to TEACH people how to do psionics. My goals were very proof-orientated.

Or maybe I can prove psionics to the world? That really doesn't interest me at all. In fact, it makes me feel sick, and frustrated. A path that makes me feel sick and frustrated can't be a good sign .

These are the questions I've been wrestling with the past month or two.

Then I thought: why psionics? Maybe I should do something else? I love politics... perhaps I should forget about psionics, and just do political stuff. That feels like it would be very exciting... but ultimately, it doesn't really feel like it would be fulfilling either.

And I thought about doing religious things. Being a spiritual leader, or something like that. But that doesn't really ring completely true either. I like helping people, and personal development, and I do have some very effective religious beliefs (at least, I think so ). But that doesn't feel right either.

None of these paths really captured what I felt I should be doing. They had some elements of what I wanted to do... but the ultimate goal was lacking. I remembered my original goal, when I was 16, about bridging the gap between religion and science. And I thought about my entire psionics "career" up until this point. What has consistently interested me? What do I have experience with before I even started with psionics?

Then the answer slowly seeped in. Out of body experiences. OBEs are the only thing I've stayed consistently interested in. When I was young, I was a natural lucid dreamer. My experience with OBEs are what define a lot of my religious beliefs... For example, I believe in life after death, higher intelligence, reincarnation. But why? Faith? No, not at all. These things I've taken from my personal experience with OBEs.

Just recently I started talking to my co-workers about OBEs, and they are facinated by them. Of the 14 or so people in my work section, only one thinks I'm crazy. Others are just really curious. I first feared that only one would think I'm SANE, but luckily it's the opposite .

OBEs are the only thing in psionics where I've felt an extreme amount of confidence. Psi balls are easy, but they are also very subjective. I do believe they're real, and I do believe my instruction for them is solid, but at the same time: who cares? It's just a ball of energy. I don't know... I'm not as blown away by them as I used to be. I don't even shield, honestly. I programmed myself to have natural shields years ago, and have only touched them a few times. Energy manipualtion just doesn't really interest me anymore.

ESP, whether it be RV, TP, empathy, or whatever, is interesting. But it's too subjective for me. I am accurate at clairvoyance and clairaudience. I'm really good at empathy... and I'm not too shabby at telepathy. But those don't really excite me... they are just skills I'm happy to have. I use them, and I might continue to teach some aspects of them, but ultimately - those feel secondary to OBEs.

Psychokinesis does greatly interest me... but I suck at it. I've spent years practicing, and my biggest accomplishment is making a pen twitch. C'mon. Others are way more skilled in PK than I am... I'll let them pioneer the way for that skill. I wish I had more skill in PK, but I don't. Oh well.

OBEs, on the other hand, I am highly skilled in. I love them, and they still blow my mind to this day. I don't get bored, or tired of them. I'm learning a lot, and it's very challenging. I have a lot of lucid dreams as well... and that state of mind is almost my default dreaming state. When I have an OBE, the following day I am just happy no matter what happens. Nothing can touch me. The confidence and awareness of knowing that I am not my body just shatters any wordly problems.


So, back to the topic. I think my purpose is to be awesome at OBEs. I mean -- totally awesome. Like, capable of inducing OBEs during meditation, at will. Capable of inducing OBEs in the waking state. Capable of shifting my arm (for example), out of body, consciously, while having a conversation with someone. Capable of leaving easily, and perceiving the world accurately, to quickly show proof to skeptics. Capable of teaching people how to have OBEs, and capabale of yanking people out of body if they really need me to. And most importantly, talking to people in person about OBEs. Not just the internet. These are my new goals. This is my purpose.

I don't know if I'll keep PsiPog around. I'm not sure. Perhaps the time will come to pass it along to someone else in the future. The conflict is that I want to address spiritual issues along with OBEs. And PsiPog was founded on leaving the spirituallity out of it. If I do decide to leave or take down PsiPog, then I will most definitly be creating another online organization. Although if I do that, it will probably focus strictly on OBEs, LDs, and spirituallity (with perhaps some starter exercises with the subconscious and ESP in general). I know a lot of my old audience won't like that... but oh well. I know a lot of my old audience will also love it.

This feels right. I haven't thought it out completely... but I have it 80% figured out. The other 20% will solidify the more I think about it. This motivates me, and gets me excited - that's how I know I'm on the right path. Thanks.


Saturday, August 19, 2006, 11:29 PM — 1 comments

Thursday, August 17, 2006

After reading The Celestine Prophecy, I liked how the author mapped out a progression of realizations (aka "insights"). So I'm going to map out some realizations I've made in my life, starting when I was a teenager.

1. The world is mechanical and predictable. Humans have pretty much everything figured out, and we can do whatever we want. I personally don't know everything, but humans as a whole have figured everything out. If I need to know something, then all I have to do is look it up. Formulas exist for everything. (Science is God)

2. People are idiots. It's clear that everything is figured out - yet they still hold on to foolish ideas. I've already made the realization that science knows everything, yet people still haven't figured it out. Is it really that hard to understand? We know everything. It's obvious they have weak minds and need crutches to function in reality, because they aren't willing to realize the truth. (I am right, you are wrong [therefore stupid])

3. Holy crap - saying people are idiots was a huge understatement. Most people are idiots, but there exists a smaller group of people who are just completely lost. I mean... WAY off the deep end. One person claimed to move shit with his mind. How delusional do you have to be to believe that? These people have serious psychological issues. (There exists people outside the realm of normal stupidity)

4. These people are so dense. Don't they know about science? Don't they know there are procedures for proving things wrong? What's it called... the Scientific Method? If you believe in something crazy, then test it until you realize that you're a delusional fuckwit. Wow. And they won't shut up. I'm feeling bored today, why not engage in an argument for fun. Let's see how stupid they really are. (Life is mostly boring, so let's have some fun)

5. AHAHAHAHAHA. They want me to try an exercise! How retarded is this! Why even bother, I know it's all delusion. Eh, what have I got to lose. This will shut them up. (I am right, and I'm willing to prove it)

6. Ah, now I understand. I got results, but it was self-induced. Sure, they're moronic, but only because they don't know about placebo effects, and self-delusion. I'll be a good guy and teach them the truth. (I'm still right, you've proven nothing)

7. A lot of people said I was doing it correctly, and if I keep trying, I can get better proof. What the fuck? This can't be real. But I do feel something. (Is it even possible that I'm wrong?)

8. These people aren't so bad afterall. I really don't know what to think about them. (Could I be wrong?!)

9. WHOA! (Shit, I'm wrong)

10. Now I have to re-think things. Fuck. Now I have to re-think everything. Well... maybe not everything. Science has a lot of things figured out, they just haven't figured this out yet. I mean... ok, somehow weird shit can happen. Not entirely sure how that works, but that doesn't screw everything up. (We can still use science to explain these weird things)

11. How can this be possible? How can these weird experiences happen? Why doesn't it fit into modern science? How could it be that science hasn't figured this out yet? What is the history of science that led us up to this point? There must be a reason why we are blind to this phenomenon. (Why didn't we know?)

12. Shit, this is a big problem. When I try to talk to people about this, they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm not crazy! Shit. Now I'm the crazy guy that I used to make fun of. Maybe they're right, maybe I am crazy? But I'm not - we are doing things very intelligently. Just listen to me, it really isn't that crazy if you think about it. But of course, they won't listen to me. I was in their shoes - I didn't listen. (In the past, I was in a box)

13. Now I'm hearing even MORE crazy stuff. I suspect a lot of it is bullshit, but how can I tell? I have to be open-minded, because in the past I was close-minded, and look where it got me. But at the same time, there must be a way to think intelligently about this stuff. (There must be a way to seperate truth from delusional crap, without being close-minded)

14. This is hard. How can I find truth? How can I be sure I'm not deluding myself? How can I be fair, intelligent, open-minded, and not gulliable? (I need to find truth without deluding myself)

15. Science has done a lot, so there must be a lot of good to it. Just a few things here and there that need to be patched up. All I have to do is maintain my doubt, and not rely completely on science like I did in the past, to make sure I explore everything fairly. (Enter Healthy Skepticism)

16. Things are going smoothly. I have things figured out fairly well. (I now know the real truth)

17. I wish I could go back in time, and talk to my old self. Talk some sense into him and explain to him how he was wrong. Maybe I can't do that, but I can help people who currently think how I used to think. This is sort of like helping out my old self. (I can help)

18. People are idiots. It's clear that psionics is real, and I clearly outline everything people need to know. I have discovered the truth (well, most of it), but people are just unwilling to hear it. I admit I was wrong in the past, but I've fixed that, and now I'm right. (I'm right, and you are wrong. You can be smart and accept my help, or be stupid and ignore what I have to say)

19. Some people agree that psionics is real, but disagree with how psionics works! How can this be? I have the truth, and my path to this truth has been very structured and logical. (Realizing psionics is real does not guarantee realization of truth)

20. How can I be sure that I know the truth? Wasn't realizing that psionics is real true? Isn't psionics real? Which is it - psionics is real, and I have truth - or psionics is delusion, and I had truth before all of this? (Could I be wrong... again?!)

21. Duh. Psionics is real. But I don't have truth. Shit. (I'm wrong about truth)

22. There is a pattern. That's twice I've been wrong. At first I thought I was right, believing in science. Then I realized I was wrong, so corrected myself. I assumed since I corrected myself, I must be right. But now I've realized I'm still wrong... just less wrong than before. Will I ever be right? Will I repeat this same pattern again? (There is a pattern to discovering truth)

23. The problem is that I think I have things figured out, when I really don't. I need to remember that I don't have the truth, and I must constantly search for it. (I don't know anything)

24. People are idiots. They think they have truth, but they don't. No one has truth. Haven't they figured that out yet? (There is no truth, and if you think there is, you're stupid)

25. Wait. Why do I do that? Why do I think people who disagree with me are stupid? Why do I have that thought? I've been wrong in the past, yet I still continue to have that thought. Do I still think I have truth? Do I still think I'm right, and everyone else is wrong? What is going on in my head? (Why do I act the way I act?)

26. There is no why. People ARE idiots, it's just plain true! (People are idiots)

27. NO! Something is going on here. How come I can reason with myself that this is wrong, but I still feel that people are idiots? (...)

28. When I ask myself that question, I can create a lot of answers. And they logically make sense. But I still feel people are idiots after I accept one particular answer. Something is wrong. (Logic can fail)

29. If I feel something is true, it will override and direct my logical mind to produce reasons that make logical sense. But those logical reasons aren't true - they are creations of my logical brain, BASED on my emotional beliefs. (Emotions dictate logic)

30. How can I be sure of anything I believe to be true? How can I trust logic now that I know that my emotions can distort logic? (Emotions are important)

31. I must inspect my emotions. I must watch myself. I must listen to others when they tell me something they've noticed about me. Emotions can distort so many things. (I must inspect myself, emotionally, honestly)

32. I think people are idiots because I like to feel better than them. If I refuse to accept that people are idiots, then I feel devalued. I feel devalued because if I'm not better than them, then I feel normal. Being normal is unacceptable. (Conflict must be described in terms of how it makes me feel)

33. What if I changed my beliefs? What if I believed that no one is normal, and everyone is different and special in their own way? (Can I change my emotions?)

34. Do I still feel that people are idiots? Yes, but not as much. (Changing a belief will change my emotions)

35. Now what do I feel when I tell myself that people aren't idiots? Instead of feeling devalued, I feel offended. (I must repeat this process)

36. What belief dictates I should feel offended? I believe that if they don't agree with me, then they are telling me my realizations aren't useful. My realizations are useful to me, and therefore, they have no right to tell me they haven't been useful. What if I believed that disagreement is useful because it helps us grow and learn more? (Keep changing beliefs)

37. Do I still feel that people are idiots? No, not really. Hey, I feel good, actually! (This process works)

38. What else can I improve about myself to make me feel better? (Growth is fun and rewarding)

39. Wow, I've changed things about myself I never thought I would. (This really does work, and it really does make me feel better)

40. I've grown and learned a lot about myself. I see people struggling with things that I've overcome myself, and I might be able to help them. (I can help)

41. We use a lot of tricks to hide from our emotional self. I've tricked myself many times, and I see people trick themselves quite a lot. We misuse our logical facilities to serve this emotional train wreck inside ourselves, and we confuse our beliefs and opinions with absolute truth. (We all need help)

42. This is important. Let's get to work.


Thursday, August 17, 2006, 1:42 PM — 1 comments

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I was reading Steve's new blog post on skepticism, The Death of Skepticism, and it got me thinking (of course) .

The line that really hit me was this one: "Ultimately skepticism is rooted in fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of being gullible. Fear of living a foolishly."

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks that it's true. It seems obvious now that I look at it like that, and all my past experiences are starting to line up. The universe was preparing to deliver this lesson to me today, based on recent experiences too. Now all I have to do is digest it .

If you've read my blog in you past, you know how I used to struggle with the idea of skepticism, and what is the correct level of skepticism. Now, I see an easy way to detect: if my skeptical attitude is based on fear, then it's unhealthy. A lot of times it is based on fear. The two predominant fears are: 1. if I had an amazing experience, I fear being skeptical will make the experience less amazing, so I don't want to be skeptical, and 2. if I had an amazing experience, I fear by not being skeptical, it's possible I'll be fooled by it, and make myself look like an idiot.

Since having an amazing experience generates both of these situations, I fear all amazing experiences as well. I enjoy experiencing something amazing - but at the same time, it's also a burden to my skeptical mind, and I have to traverse this fearful landscape of what to do next.

As a very clear example, look at the geiger counter experiments. When I first got results that I could see with my own eyes, it threw me into a state of fear. I paced my room, debating what to do... wondering if my fingers made the spike... and if so, then my entire experience was false. Or if something else did... I sat and feared testing my finger on the geiger counter, wondering if it would produce false results. After about 10 minutes of pacing around, I decided I had to test my fingers. When I did, there wasn't any spike, and I was relieved.

Now, I'm not saying I shouldn't test things... what I am saying, is that this experience shouldn't throw me into a state of fear.

Now that I know what the experience shouldn't do, I need to figure out why I throw myself into a state of fear, and fix it . This will then show me what state I should go to instead. The universe has done a good job presenting me with this lesson... although I still probably have a few coincidences that I need to see before I totally grasp it. Fun times.


Tuesday, August 15, 2006, 10:17 AM — 2 comments

Friday, August 11, 2006

I'm fairly sure I had an OBE this morning.

First, it's probably important that I read the entire book The Celestine Prophecy yesterday. I bought it at the book store, started reading, and couldn't put it down. I finished at about 2:15am. The book is a fictional adventure story, but also has a lot of intelligent and wise ideas (labelled "Insights") throughout it. It talks about coincidences, energy, control dramas, and better ways to deal with people. (It even has techniques to see energy, which I plan on testing out .) All of the advice seemed really good, even though the book was a story. I got a lot from it.

(As another note, please don't take this to mean it's healthy to read fictional books, and lose your grasp on reality. Stories are stories, and written for entertainment purposes. Nonetheless, that particular story had some interesting ideas speckled in it, which are worth my time to think about.)

For my OBE, I woke up in the morning, laying in my bed face up. I was staring at my ceiling fan. I don't even remember what made me think of having an OBE - all I thought about was "charging" myself with energy. As I breathed in, I took in energy at my heart location. I did this for a short while, and noticed that there was a blueish-purpleish light in the corner of my room (to the left of my ceiling fan).

I realized that the light wouldn't normally be there in my room... so I started to look at it closely. When I did, it started getting finer in detail. It was around this time I figured out that I was ready for an OBE (I think... can't really remember exactly).

I didn't really try to leave - instead, I just took my left hand, and tried to reach the ceiling fan like I did in my last OBE. I stretched my arm, and tried to feel for the fan, but couldn't feel it. When I put my hand in front of the blue light, and focused on the area, my hand became visible. It looked almost like a wireframe hand, made out of blue wires.

I stretched my hand out, trying to feel for anything, but couldn't feel anything. I faded in and out of consciousness... trying to figure out if I was having a legitimate OBE or not. At one point, I put my hands over my eyes, to see if I could see through them. I could. At first I thought I was looking through my physical hands, but then I realized that I didn't move my physical hands when I put them over my eyes.

I called for whoever was out there to help me. To grab my wrists and ankles, like "they" have in the past. Nothing happened. I wasn't scared, or angry, or feeling frustrated. I was stuck in my body (while out of body ), but it didn't really bother me like it normally does. I just sort of played around with my states of consciousness, played around with what I was seeing, and had fun.

This entire experience probably lasted around 20 minutes. I don't have memory of the entire experience, but I do remember most of it.

There are two main reasons why I think this OBE was legit. One, my vision was in the correct orientation as my physical body, and my vision was representative of my correct environment (except for the blueish light). In a false awakening, usually things are not that clear, and everything is jacked up. Plus a lot of false awakenings don't happen in the same location as your physical body (for example, I've had false awakenings where I wake up at my old home in New York).

Two, because at one point in the OBE, I saw a blurry skin-colored triangle at the bottom left of my vision. I thought it must be my hand - my knuckle resting on my cheek. After that, I didn't pay much attention to it. Now that I think back to the experience, it was obviously my nose . I must have been predominantly looking through my right eye. The fact that I incorrectly labelled it, and it still existed and behaved like a nose after this incorrect belief, is good evidence that this experience wasn't a dream.

Fun times . Also, I recommend that book to anyone who is interested in psionics and truth. It's sweet.


Friday, August 11, 2006, 11:27 AM — 1 comments

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I started getting into psionics at the age of 15. I started my initial OBE training at 16. This consisted of a lot of meditation and finding a balance between being awake, and being asleep.

When I turned 17, I graduated high school, and moved to Georgia with my parents to go to college at The University of Georgia. It was somewhere in here that I adopted the habit of sleeping... a LOT. I've read that altering your sleeping schedule is one way the body deals with stress (chemically). Perhaps that's one reason why I screwed with my sleeping schedule so much.

The good side effect of doing this was that I was constantly in different states of consciousness. Some days I would take 4 hour naps, stay awake for another 4 hours, then go to sleep for the night for 6 hours. And other times I would pull all-nighters just for the fun of it.

From the ages of 17 until 22, I slept a lot. My record for continuous sleep is 18 hours. My record for most sleep is 24 hours out of 36 hour timespan (slept 14, awake 6, slept 10). My record for staying awake without caffiene or pills is 42 hours. During this time, with all the blurry states of consciousness, I logically attatched meditation to sleep. When I went to sleep, I would try and meditate beforehand. Sometimes I would get bored, and just roll over and say "screw it". Other times I would get deep meditation. And other times I would meditate for 5 minutes then knock out.

This worked wonderfully for OBEs (although I wouldn't recommend doing this just for OBEs... if you're already doing this, then you might want to try OBEs in addition to these bad habits ).

Lately, I've been challenging myself to sleep no more than 7.5 hours a night, and sometimes only allow myself 6 hours a night. No naps during the day. Go to sleep at the same time every night (2am). Eat healthy, exercise, no alcohol. This has really purified my physical body, and I'm turning: healthy! Go figure .

In this process, my meditation has gone down the crapper. When I lay down at night, I don't feel like meditating. I feel like going to sleep. For the past month, I've constantly been strugling with this "Sleep or meditation?" question every night. Most nights I say "screw it", and just go to sleep. Other times, I force myself to meditate, and do terrible.

While running today, it dawned on me. Sleep or meditation? Both decisions are bad. Therefore, there must be a third alternative... and in this case, there was a pretty obvious third alternative once I realized I was stuck in this situation. Sleep AND meditation! Duh.

Once I made that realization, it dawned on me how my old sleeping habits worked great for meditating before sleep. But now that I'm getting healthy, and my body's chemistry is healthy, it doesn't work. So I should sleep when I want to sleep. And then schedule time during the morning to meditate. The plan I have is such: Go to sleep at 2am, wake up at 9:30am, go running at 10:15am, shower at 11:30am, and meditate afterwards. I hope to change this structure so that I sleep 6 hours eventually, but this is a good stepping stone.

Anyways, just thought I'd share that with everyone. If you have healthy body chemistry, and cyclic sleep patterns, then don't force yourself to choose between sleep OR meditation. Sleep when you want to sleep. And make time during the day to meditate.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006, 11:44 AM — 3 comments

Sunday, August 06, 2006


The servers that run and have been updated. In this process, I've saved $80/month. It seems backwards... how could I update, and SAVE money?! But yes, it is true.

Visitors probably won't notice any difference... at least, that's what I hope. If you do notice something fishy, drop me an e-mail at: , and I'll check it out. Some things might still be busted.

Other than that, have fun, and I'll see ya later!


Sunday, August 06, 2006, 6:19 PM — 0 comments